i made it

today was the day i thought i was going to kill a computer and smash a keyboard.  I made it thru!

meanwhile back at paradise island:  saied and some stranger are building a machine shop, so they can start production of "saied knows snow" snowblowers before the gruesome winter kicks in.  sawyer is rehabing a terrible shoulder injury that is threatening he fish throwing job down at the fish market (the one by the beach). Its a good thing katie (the con) is there to help, she taught herself all about physical therapy during her time spent in women's high max security prison.  The same shoulder injury almost spoiled her daring excape.  lock is training to become the worlds toughest street fighter, and luckily enough charlie agreed to be his sparring partner.  wait, charlie, if we're sparring, your supposed to put up some defence.  and quit running off with that baby (baby being said in an aussie accent) charlie (same accent).  And during all of this no one (except the always curious sawyer) is wondering why the dude from party of five and the hot chic from resident evil keep going into the jungle.

i guess next week (actually tomorrow!) i'll just stare at the ceiling for 45 minutes and call it even.

smashed computer

i'm sure most of you have seen the viedo of the dude in his cubicle who started beating his keyboard, then uses it as a bat against his monitor until he hits his monitor off his desk.  or the way the printer got abused in office space.  i'm really working hard to hold back from such actions against my computer this morning.

Stinger

What is Sting talking about?  Is he going to stay and wrestle in TNA?

How can this be, he dropped his bat in the middle of the ring and said goodbye, then just left........

I've signed it.....

http://www.johnkerry.com/action/filibuster/

getting new glasses?

this would be really weird, but kinda fun at the same time:

http://www.physlink.com/Education/AskExperts/ae353.cfm

a website i can get behind

one day it became obvious to me that the metrostars are not a team to be a fan of, so i decided i was gonna be an anti-fan. i bought NYMetroStars.com a long time ago and had not done much with it till now. Let me know what you think. (click the image above)

my new toothbrush doubles as a vibrator

recently I got a new toothbrush, its one of those that you see commercial for that have the spikes that move back and forth.  It a cheap crest jobby or something like that, i dont remember exactly what it is, but i'll figure it out and post a link.  so anyway, i'm pretty sure that this toothbrush could be turned around and used as a vibrator.  i recemmend you try and leave a crest toothbrush as a vibrator review here!

The Ultimate P Experience

People come and go.

Websites come and go.

But before now the world has not seen anything like this.

Dedicated to the man, the myth, the leged......

He Is.......  The Ultimate P Experience

http://theultimatepexperience.com

edited: i know this looks suspiciously like another website you may have seen. just remember i'm no artist.

critique my lame resume website

I spent some of this evening build a little resume website for myself.  Part of the goal was to just use Drupal and become familiar with it, part of it was just cause it'll be nice to have a resume website that will hopefully collect some content over the months.  I wanted something more than hi, here's my resume, please hire me :)

So anyway, check it out at http://danschwartz.us and let me know what you think.  If you think it really sucks, let me know cause I'll want to make appropriate changes if that is the case.

how to beat lance armstrong

tonite i was riding my bike, listening to some music.  the best of mtv unplugged is not really pump you up to keep peddling like a maniac music, but thats what i was listening to anyway.  so then suddenly sheryl crow comes on singing are you strong enough to be my man, and for some odd reason the image of me racing lance armstrong came to mind.  i don't have any weird secret desire for sheryl crow or anything, just thogut it was kinda weird. 

oh yeah, i did win that race!

oh funny shit

http://tinyurl.com/9bw5z

http://tinyurl.com/auy6s

where do i order mine?

http://tinyurl.com/avdm7

shit just makes me laugh out loud (LOL you dumb real talk fucks)

proof that the internet is a wonderful place

i bet she never meant for anyone else to see this:

http://www.youtube.com/?v=pSGi1s8X5Lc

I-C-E-B-E-R-G whats that spell?

oh my god, why does this person have to be from fargo?  i don't understand why some people think they should be able to tell others what we should or shouldn't listen to, but i love it at the same time!  It always starts to echo the ice-t song freedom of speech (just watch what you say).

http://news.yahoo.com/s/usatoday/20060112/cm_usatoday/tuneoutsternsfilthysatelliteshow

i hope someone makes it

http://gc.advancedmn.com/article.php?artid=5883

playin poker with mechanics

i hate taking my car (or anyone elses car) in to have an oil change.  I just know those bastards are gonna call me with a list of other shit they "recommend" be done to it.  today they guy calls, and its gonna be close to $100 more.  i felt like i was comtemplating a call in a poker game.  hmmmm, ok, he's representing a bad transmission fluid and something else, and in my hand i've got no clue.  okay, i call.  and the shitty thing is i never get to see him revel his hand, i don't know if that was a big bluff or not.

that also reminds me of being at the fuckin dentist....  i'm due for that soon again.......

big slick & LazyLarry

last night I'm in the mood for some big multi-table no limit texas hold em action.  so i fire up my favorite poker room pokerstars.  perfect, theres a $10 multi-table game starting in about 20 minutes, so i regiester and play a ring game to pass time.  The tournament starts and action is slow in the beginning, but i double up a couple times and i make it into the top 300 (over 1500 people started and i've been playing for over 2 hours).  for a while i'm the big chip leader at my table, but that eventaully gets knocked down, and i'm closer to small stack.  this is when things start to go the wrong way now.  he phone is ringing right as i get dealt big slick.  i make i decent raise and get re-raised, i call.  Its my dad on the phone, talking about coming to stay at our house later this week.  The flop comes 8 8 4.  he bets, i raise big, he re-raises, i'm talking to LazyLarry and thinking about this stupid hand.  ok, i eventually go all in, and he calls.  now my measley AK is up against this guy with an 87.  after the turn i'm dead, its a 6, and the river is a 5, so he even made a strait.  great.

several hours later i'm playing a multi-table at pacific poker.  i'm not doing very well and not too far into this one when the following all goes down.  I get dealt big slick at the same time LazyLarry pops up on google talk to ask me how i'm doing.  so i come over the top of the first raiser and go all in with my big slick.  this guy calls me and i got him beat, but of course he improves his hand and i don't.

i told LazyLarry to never bother me when i'm playing again.  I didn't care so much about the 2nd one, but that first one was frustrating.

dreaming weird shit

its been a while since i've written about a dream that i had and if you've missed them, its your lucky day!

at the very beginning this dream i'm hanging out with two KP readers (jon and onree) out on some type of farm house.  jon was washing dishes or doing some type of kitchen work while me and onree relaxed on the couch.  we were waiting for people to start showing up, cause we were having a party that nite.  (I guess the 3 of us must have lived together there)  So living out in the country we didn't see much traffic.  It seemed weird when a big yellow and purple full size van was coming slowly down the road, until i noticed 2 cheerleaders running alongside the van in the ditch.  But then it was more normal, "The cheerleaders are going by" I told the other 2 guys.  Jon ran to the window enthusiastically to see.  Go get them we told the frenchman.  So onree reluctantly ran out the door to chase down these cheerleaders. 
A couple minutes later he comes back with about 8 hot blonde cheerleaders.  They are all excited about something and all gathering around the piano.

Now it starts to get weird.  suddenly everything seems to be happening as if it has all happened before, if not regularly.  The cheerleaders start to play "No Sleep Till Brooklyn" on the paino and make onree sing.  The more he sings the more excited they are, and eventually they are all topless.  During the song i get up to take a piss, so i go to the bathroom.  Its becoming a strangely long piss, because the song finishes and i'm still going.  one of the cheerleaders comes in a rubs up against my back as i'm pissing for a minute, then she leaves and i'm still going.  then a topless jeff bashus (how are you jeff?  still live in denver?) comes into the bathroom to see what i'm doing.  he explains that the cheerleaders are gone and the bugs have started showing up.  its right at that point that i notice and quickly flick a spider off my schlong.  then i'm done and its just a normal thing that we have an infestation of insects in our house after the cheerleaders leave.  lots of big beetles crawling around all over the place.

thats what i call a weird dream.

i haven't seen brokeback mountain yet

cause i rarely get to the theatre's, but that has nothing to do with this story.

so i'm browsing thru my.yahoo headlines this morn and i come across "GLAAD Mad at Shalit's "Brokeback" Breakdown".  It has tweaked my interest so read it, to find out that GLADD stands for gay and lesbian alliance against defamation.  i also discovered that gay does not mean happy.  So aparently the goofiest lookin movie critic gave the movie a bad review and called one of the characters a sexual predator, and that pisses off GLAAD.

It makes my day when i group of people get all uptight about something like a movie, or one person's lame review of a movie, or just something that should not effect the life of anyone not involved more than 2 hours of entertainment.  God, why do some people have to be so damm gay? Its just a fuckin movie and the opinions of some fag from the today show.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/eo/20060107/en_movies_eo/18098

and don't flame me for this shit, i love gay people. i don't have any issues with your sexual preference.  my brother fucks paririe dogs and i still love him.

poor dutch bastards

now this is just funny, i think i'd be wanting to switch armies too. 

but then again i do hate it when a bunch of drunk englishmen show up at my campfire.  and most of the spainards i know actually drive around with minivans full of dutch beer.  but most of them are willing to share so i don't complain!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060106/od_nm/dutch_soldiers_dc

slacker

I've been a real slacker on this recently.  what a shame. i have no excuse for myself, except for guild wars.  i just keep playing and playing, its so much fun.  I was gonna get civ 4 or call of duty 2, but i thought shit, that'll take away from my guild wars time.  i am already behind the rest of my guild, level-wise.  Yeah, we got a guild, we are the FMCrusaders!  don't fuck with the FMCrusaders.  I think i could retire from the software development industry and play guild wars for a living.  really, that would be great.  they have a world championship of guild wars that i hope the FMCrusaders are able to compete in some day.

so the next time you see me, smell my hair.  but before you do, try to imagine what it will smell like.  then see how close your imagined smell is to the real deal.  whoever's is the closest can bag it all up and take it home the next time i get a buzz (which may be really soon?)!!

104.7

what the hell happened to the damm rock station?

who do i look like?

according to this I look like Mikhail Tal, he was an old school chess champion. click the image below to take the test yourself.



The rest of the list they thought I looked like:
William McKinley (yeah, the president)
Erico Fermi
John Malkovich
Art Garfunkel
Howard Hawks
Michael Douglas
Tarja Turunen
Christina Aguilera
Imre Kertesz

wow, what a list. they must not have emilio esteves in their database??